When Dreams Go Unfulfilled.

It's 12:41am and I am the need for sleep is starting to capture my eyes... but I just came home from having a conversation about disappointment and life. I have recently been pondering on my life when I was a high school senior. I remember all the dreams that I had of changing the world. Dreams of traveling to different countries, perhaps just to visit or to do mission work. I had dreams of meeting the love of my life and starting a family. Dreams of going to Hollywood or New York City and starting a ministry that would save people through the Gospel and for God's glory. I had dreams of being an actor and meeting famous people. When I graduated from college I moved across the country to Denver on a grand adventure to experience life outside of the Jersey Shore. I enrolled in seminary with the dreams of being a pastor and changing the face of the American church. I was passionate about youth ministry, about family ministry, about proclaiming the Gospel. I was passionately about the city. Not a particular city... just the city in general because that was where the people were. I was passionate about people.

I'm turning 29 next month and I was reflecting with a friend about how life has changed as I approach 30. First of all, I don't feel 30. That seems old to me. In some ways I feel older, as if I have lived longer and am more mature. In other ways I feel like a kid who has just graduated from college trying to figure out how to live in the adult world. The truth is, I'm not. I am an adult and all the dreams that I still have of living in different areas of the world and experiencing different things.... well it feel like that time is fading even though the desire is still there. The expectation is to settle down and start a family. That is the difference between my late 20s and my early 20s... its feel like there is less time and more expectation. So, as I reflect on those dreams I had... some of them I achieved, but others have gone unfulfilled.

I wonder what dreams you had for life that went unfulfilled? As you look back on your life.... is this where you pictured you would be when you graduated from high school? I suppose I pose that question because recently I have been struggling with some disappointment in life. To make it real... I have some much desired to have a full time pastoral ministry position and to find my wife. Over the last two years I have watched many of my friends achieve those things while it feels like I've been left behind. I believe in a Sovereign God who is in control of everything in my life... but there are times when I deal with the human response to disappointment. I once heard it said... "All you need to do is live long enough and you will suffer." Not that I am suffering as much as the person being persecuted for their faith in Africa, or the person with a terminal disease, but we all have or will experience suffering. And we also will probable have some dreams that go unfulfilled.

What does the future hold for me? I hope I get to rejoice as the Psalmist did when he said "Though sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning." The truth is, wherever life takes me and wherever the Spirit leads, I hope to live life with joy. We often equate happiness and joy when they are not the same. We can be joyful... but still be suffering a great deal. We can be joyful even though our dreams have gone unfulfilled. We can be joyful because through everything Jesus has won the victory on the cross and our hope is secured through him.

Some of my dreams have not been fulfilled. But many have been. I hope that wherever I go I would be joyful and give glory to God.

Its 1:04 am... and sleep has taken me.